if life gives you lemons, make lemonade

hola,

hmmm so i have no pics or outfits to show today. im just here today to filter out all my thoughts.

i dont know about you guys but whenever i watch something very inspirational, whether it'd be on youtube or at the movies, i get a bittersweet feeling. bitter  simply because i can't be in their shoes and sweet because it just makes me want to live up to my fullest potential. 

for instance, i just watched all the hillsong united clips i could find and saw how amazing it must feel to go all across the world doing what you love. all i could think while watching the clips is "ahh i want to be them!"

 i dont know... maybe i'm just being a little melodramatic right now because its raining and the weather seems to always determine my mood.

 however i must say i always feel this way when i see something that inspires me and it always makes me think about life in general. i simply ask myself: "what the hell am i doing with my life?"

after living on planet earth for about 20 years now, i have had many things that have inspired me here and there that made me want to show the world what i am made of. Almost immediately, thoughts occupy my brain like "i know i have it in me but why am i not out there doing the same?" or "what the hell is my talent? what do i have to offer to the world?" 

the thing is, i know the answer to every single question my brain shoots at me: im simply just too afraid/lazy to step out of my boundaries or i'm just scared to try something new. there are so many things i want to pursue in life then why not just go for it? 

the reason why they (inspirational people) are out there and doing what they love is because they simply took the risk and work(ed) hard at it. you know that quote "if life gives you lemons, make lemonade?" yeah.... im simply letting my lemons sit on the kitchen counter rather than making fresh squeezed lemonade. 

its so easy to say you're going to do this and that but by the time you know it, you're going to be looking back at your life sitting, waiting, and wishing you took that risk despite of what others thought of you. 

i have to admit ... i have become pretty good at not giving a shit about what people think of me but im only human. it does affect me alot sometimes. but seriously, i cant base my life on someone else's thoughts you know? if i want to learn the guitar and sing while doing so, I AM GOING TO DO IT! haha

in addition, i realized it is so important to surround myself with people who actually sincerely care about me. there are so many people out there who want to see you fail and trust me, i have had my share fair. what kind of friend would laugh at you when you want to try something new?life's too short for drama. let's stick to what we love.  at the end of the day, unless He's God , no one can determine who you are but yourself. if you want to dress a certain way, then do it. if you want to learn how to play the piano, then do it. if you want to change majors, then do it.  don't let anyone get in your way. look, i am not saying to be selfish. what im trying to say is that they are so many haters out there and our insecurities seem to win whenever we want to try something new. let's just put these aside and do something we want to do for once. 

its so hard not to wish you were someone else (Brooke Fraser). I want to feel what she feels when shes singing on stage and i want know how it feels to be tremendously respected by fans all over the world. why is that? why is it that we need approval from others and not ourselves? why do i have to put myself on a pedestal to make me feel better about myself? why can't i just be happy being me? i shouldnt just waste my time wishing.

therefore my goal this year (yes it is almost may but better late than never to make new year resolutions) is to just be happy with who i am and just go for it with whatever i choose to do. life is too exciting and exhilarating to just sit and wish you could be out there doing what you love. its never too late to find out what you love so try everything you want to put your hands on. just do it. (-nike haha) what is there to lose? absolutely nothing. and if you do lose something or someone, its all for the better. trust me on this one. 

all i know is that i want to inspire people when i grow up.i still don't know how i am going to do that but i know that i will someday and no one is going to stop me. just watch. 

 i guess it makes so much more sense in my mind bc if i was reading this, i would be like... hmm this young lady is a little wacko doo little.

  i just needed to let this out and thank goodness for blogger. its funny how writing or should i say typing everything out makes you feel ten times better about yourself. 

yuri